Ask the same questions of all parties involved in a hurtful conflict. A hurtful conflict is when one or more of the basic human needs of an individual or group has been disregarded. These five basic human needs are belonging, power, freedom, joy, and security.
Sometimes there will be different answers from different parties.
Sometimes there will be the same answers from different parties.
To be seen and heard
To be respected and validated
The freedom to choose how to respond
To feel release of tension
To restore the sense of safety in the community
What happened?
How were you affected by what happened?
Who else was affected by what happened? How were they affected?
What were you feeling at the time? Mad, Sad, Glad, Scared?
What were you thinking at the time?
Was there harm? What harm was done?
What could be amends for the harm?
What could you do as amends?
(to ask each participant in a circle of how he/she as an individual could repair the harm done – it’s okay to pass )
What could have prevented the situation?
What could you have done to have prevented the situation?
(to ask each participant in a circle of how he/she as an individual could have prevented the situation – it’s okay to pass )
What would you do differently in the future in a similar situation?